CrossfireLove

Saltwater days after a night of freshwater dreams that are just delusions as I tumble down the cliff. Scrapes and bruises that don't hurt until the morning of the saltwater day. And I drown until I'm pulled into the shallows of the freshwater dreams that are so sickly sweet that I go into sugar shock and I I die. And then the eels and jellyfish resuscitate me and I'm back in the saltwater day. But these saltwater days remind me that I'm alive.

I hate writing. The taste it leaves in my mouth makes me want to puke. It rips open my veins and destroys my mind. Yes, I have galaxies in my eyes and universes in my blood. But writing destroys them Writing leaves me empty. Or Does it simply show me how empty I already am? It's dirty dishes And dead grass. It's ha;f empty glasses. Holes in the walls from liquor bottles. It's dying stars and imploding planets. It's an empty soul And a bad taste in your mouth.

Europe Poland Romania   Thanking God he's safe. This Broken Soldier. I destroyed the heart of a traveling soldier. My soldier. He gave me everything, And I just threw it all away. Why did I break the heart of my Traveling Soldier. No trust. No love anymore. All I have is the almost hate of a Broken Soldier.

So this, this is exhaustion. I could sleep for a thousand years, and still be tired. Exhaustion. Its not a physical thing. It's mental. Emotional. But, yet, its still physical. It's sleeping pills and antidepressants. It's "I'm fine, just didnt sleep well." When you've slept for 12 hours. It's getting a dog because maybe, just maybe' having something breathing and warm something alive will help lull you to sleep. Will make you get up because you have a reason to. I just want to sleep. Just leave me be so I can sleep

You asked me why I want you to destroy me. Well, my love, that way, you dont have to worry anymore. That way, I'll have a reason to feel this way. That way, my love, that way I'll get what I deserve and a reason to leave. So please my love, Just say it. Destroy me. But remember, You cant say amything worse than what I tell myself. So just go on. Destroy me.

Shattered windows empty halls Lexapro and Trazodone. She's a shell nothing left of the girl she used to be. Nothing left of the girl he thought he loved. "Youre nothing. Nothing but a fuck up" She repeats as she stares into the mirror. Seeing nothing of the girl she used to be. Lexapro and Trazodone She stares at the bottles wondering what it would be like if the pain could stop. Lexapro Xoloft Trazodone Atarax She just wants the pain to go away. She just wants the pain to end. Lexapro and Trazodone.

I know I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up But please accept this my apology. I know that I caused all this But it's not my fault alone You are at fault too my love. But I'll take all the blame All the hate. They can't make me hate myself more than I already do. They cant make me want to die than I already do. They can make me feel worse than I already do. You're at fault too my love.

Shaking hands trying to light a cigarette with a lighter she can't keep hold of. Wishing she was numb as she feels her heart break even more. Staring into the shattered mirror more of it on the floor than the wall. Running makeup and bloodied hands bloody wrists. Just wanting to die but holding onto that small shard of hope that she has left. Bathroom floors holes in walls too many liquor bottles lining the cabinets and counters. She's a mess but she'd be damned if they see that Shell be dead when he sees that.

string it is attached to me is there one attached to you

Dear sister, look at me and tell me what you see Am I everything you need? Tell me you believe Dear brother, leg go of my hand for I'm too weak to stand take me to the badland, bury me in the sand Another branch has broken off Shaven clean right off the top Don't know if I'll follow yet But I swear I won't forget Little girl, don't be sad I swear I'm not that bad Do you think I am that mad? You and mom and even dad? Little boy just shut your eyes, be absolved of all the lies You can never break the tie so leave me here to die Angels weep and I can't sleep Absolution's all I need I've no faith but still I pray Angels above will keep you saf

Howling wind again       the plains an icy tundra                      a cold, lifeless white                                      we are huddled together                                                          inside our hearth burning bright

Cigarette Man I love talking to her Mainly because she's nice But talking to her is dangerous And i don't think about it twice Sitting in a dark room alone She's my open pack of marlboro lights She makes me feel happy Until she leaves me for the night So I pull her out again And get out my light Take a deep breath in Don't even try to fight Look at the label saying that she's safe No second guessing, I believe it to be truth Sit back and take a deep breath Don't even care enough to find any proof I stare her deep in the eyes See what we can turn out to be Take one more breath of death Supposedly cancer-free Everyone tells me to quit her